They say change is the only thing constant in life and I do agree with it. But why is it that every time something or someone changes, some are affected? Simple. Because we used to live with the old 'him', 'her' or 'that' and it is not that easy to adjust. But you know what? Since change is constant, whether you like it or not, things will change and all you need to do is understand and accept such things. And when you don't understand why did it change and when you're curious if that certain change is necessary, just please, accept it. Accept that some things are meant to change. Like what people say, sometimes you don't need to understand, you just need to accept.
SO WHY AM I TALKING ABOUT CHANGE?
That's simply because I am planning to change. Changing for better, eh? Sounds good. I just wish that my plan to change for the better is really for the better. I usually ask for people's opinion specially my friends' opinion before I do certain things. But now? I need not know their opinion, or anyone's opinion. I've heard enough and I've been hurt enough. Because of this year's summer (2013), those so-called-friends of mine CHANGED. Yep! You read it right, THEY CHANGED. Well, not all of them. But most of them. Luckily, 4 of them stayed with me. But when I told one of them that something's wrong with someone, she changed. So 3 was there and I still want to call myself "THE LUCKY ONE" just to comfort myself. But c'mon, face the reality. My inner self tells me, "They are changing because they don't want you anymore." and "After a long time, they finally found a way to show you they don't like you." Yes, the change stuffs and the thought of my inner self affected me and made me realize that I need to change. But I am not going to change to please them.
WHY AM I GOING TO CHANGE?
I am going to change because I do not like to stay what I am which a lot of people doesn't like (I think) but that doesn't mean I am changing to please them and to push myself to them. I didn't beg them to be my friend, but they became my friends. And sometimes, when I beg God for something, he doesn't give me the exact thing I begged for but instead something else which I think is better and I know that He'll give me what He think is best for me even though I didn't ask for anything. Do I really need to change? I don't know. I'll never know if it is necessary unless I try. It isn't going to be that big. I'm just going to try to have a smaller social life. Yeah, less friends. Or at least less of those old friends, it's not like forgetting them or something. It's just that I don't want to push myself to them and I do hope that I will be able to meet new friends that will truly understand me and accept me despite of my flaws and imperfections. I also want to be more focused on my studies since the next chapter of my life will be more challenging than what I am experiencing right now. I do believe that every day is an adventure but you wouldn't know what might happen next. You must go with the flow and take risks. There might be ups and downs, but that's life. Life is like a roller coaster, my friend and it is your choice to scream and have fun or just stand there, not getting the chance to ride because you're scared what might happen. But all you have to do is have faith in Him, believe in Him, and trust Him. So whenever I am thinking about 'The Change', what I think of is that, it'll never cross my mind if He doesn't want me to think of it. It crossed my mind because it is meant to be. Currently, I am still working on the list of the changes I would try to make.
MY MESSAGE TO THOSE WHO ARE PUSHING ME TO CONTINUE MY PLAN TO CHANGE (SORT OF)
Uhm, hi. I'm sending you my sincerest apologies and thank yous for everything. Sorry if you think I went beyond my limits which I don't know how and what limit because I am just being myself. They say one shouldn't be sorry for being themselves but I still want to say sorry if you didn't like the way I am. I am so sorry if I wasn't good enough for anything. But still, thank you for letting me go in your life and for you, entering my life even just for that short period of time. To my friends, I want you to know that I treasure every moment we spent.
Sincerely yours, Kyla.
